she says live up to your first impression.

rack_on @ 2006-04-25T21:10:00

2006-04-26T02:14:18Z

i go through the motions everyday.
it's all a blurr since the night you laid me down.
every moment without you is a moment that i live to a limited extent.

only when i'm in your presence,
you're in my thoughts,
and your name on the tip of my tongue
am i living.

rack_on @ 2006-01-11T21:19:00

2006-01-11T05:19:59Z

im so numb.
i have comprimised everything i am
to bask in the glory of the public eye
i have become everything i envied
yet i lack passion
love
trust

i have become ubiquitous, dime a dozen.
what do i have to take pride in?

he made me feel larger than life.

come back

2006-01-10T05:59:47Z

people say you can never be friends with the opposite sex
without some kind of attraction.
we were always the exception.

as time goes on the more i appreciate you
the way you could look in my eyes and understand exactly what i was thinking.
and when we were together we thought anything was possible.
how i would never have to justify myself
i knew you would understand.
the way we hated society and everyone in it,
because they could never possibly understand our dreams.
you knew me.
and i looked at you and saw myself
and i knew you would never leave me (how naive)

and now im surrounded by love
but feel so lonely

fakefakefake
you were always real

thats why i trusted you

what a let down

i saw you today
with your perfect love
and the world at your feet
you deserve every blessing that has come your way
but is it so selfish of me to want my best friend back?

i will always be here

rack_on @ 2005-07-15T19:04:00

2005-07-15T02:16:30Z

i always figured that in your absence
all of my darkest fears would haunt me

i asked myself
what if when youre gone i forgot how to breathe?
what if i could not function?

i learned that all of my fears
were pathetic in comparison to this

something much worst

i'm still breathing
and i am functioning
having to live every day normally
knowing that life goes on
without you

and its so much fucking harder
than i could have ever fucking imagined
my love, my doll, my baby
please come home

rack_on @ 2005-06-29T12:51:00

2005-06-28T19:51:18Z

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Very High
Avoidant:	Low
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

incase anyone was unaware
im completely psychotic lol

rack_on @ 2005-06-23T17:24:00

2005-06-23T00:24:40Z

man
i really fucked up this time
and theres no going back

rack_on @ 2005-05-05T21:01:00

2005-05-05T04:04:17Z

fuck you
fuck you
fuck you
fuck you

i guess i just got a taste of my own medicine.
but i want to rip her fuckin heart out..

rack_on @ 2005-04-20T20:50:00

2005-04-20T03:52:43Z

second guess me.
hate me all you want!

because this time im not fucking up.
no more games babydoll,
for once i know whats right.

and im not letting it go until the second i have to!!
♥ ♥

fuck yesss

rack_on @ 2005-04-19T18:10:00

2005-04-19T01:13:01Z

TAKE ME BACK MADDDDDDDDSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

we are too fucking hXc not to be best friends for life. PSH!
MENDALL SON!!

to my baby

2005-03-30T02:52:58Z

we both know
that this will never work

youre leaving..

now that you know how i feel its time to move on
because i cant keep holding on to a dream ill never attain.
i dont know how else to let go
we both know
we will always hold a place for each other in our hearts

i didnt lie when i said you were
my soulmate

my first love

my true love

the one who got away..

ACROSS FIVE APRILS

"a year from now"

Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step that you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But will never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember these things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
♥Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?♥

rack_on @ 2005-03-22T19:58:00

2005-03-22T03:59:45Z

TO VEGAS BITCHES!!!

miss me!

PEACE!

rack_on @ 2005-03-10T16:36:00

2005-03-10T00:40:10Z

i consciously keep it empty and avoid eye contact at all costs.

if, around you, i pretend i dont want you the way i do

i might even convince myself.

im selfish

forgive me

i want to keep you

stay with me

ill fix everything..

just for you, beautiful

please stay with me

rack_on @ 2005-03-08T18:27:00

2005-03-09T02:28:12Z

&& tonight will go on forever while we
walk around this town like we own the streets
&& stay awake through summer like we own the heat
singing "everybody wake up (wake up) it's time to get down"
(everybody, everybody wake up its time to get down)

im gonna stay fIfTeEn forever (cut me open)
so we can stay like this forever (sun poisoned)
&& we'll never miss a party (this offer...)
cause we keep them going constantly (...stands forever)
&& we'll never have to listen (new haircut)
to anyone about anything (new bracelet)
cause it's all been done and it's all been said (eyeliner)
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

The hell out of this town
find some conversation
the low fuel lights been on for days
it doesn't mean anything
ive got another 500, 'nother 500 miles
before we shut this engine down,
we shut it down

just jealous cause we're young and in love
You're just jealous cause we're young and in love

rack_on @ 2005-02-28T15:02:00

2005-02-27T23:11:32Z

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.
i would be so happy, everything would be so perfect

i can tell myself i have stopped loving you.
but i still die everytime i realize that you used me
simply to love and to be loved.

i will hold it all inside of me,
take it to the grave.

and the truth is that i will lose you
no matter what happens.

i always heard death is inevitable.

but i never knew you would be the one with the gun to my head.

its over. ive lost you

EDIT!!
just kidding.
i love you girlfriend. happy 6 month!♥

and youre not a fishy, youre my mermaid!

rack_on @ 2005-02-22T11:49:00

2005-02-21T19:58:50Z

hmmm

what can i say? my boys a keeper.

Tell her you think she is amazing. Tell her why you think she is so amazing. Smell her hair. Whisper to her in the middle of the movie. Pick her up and pretend you’re going to throw her in the pool; she’ll scream and fight, but secretly, she’ll love it. Hold her hand while you talk. Hold her hand while you drive. Tell her she looks pretty. Let her pay for stuff if she wants to. Introduce her to your friends as the coolest girl you know. Look her in the eye when you talk to her. Protect her. Tell her stupid jokes. Let her mess with your hair. Look at her like she’s the first girl you’ve ever seen, even if she says to stop. Let her fall asleep in your arms. Call her. Call her back if she calls you. Get mad, then kiss her. Give her space when she needs it. Tease her. Let her tease you back. Stay up with her all night when she’s sick. Teach her something. Kiss her forehead. Take her to cool places, and let her take you to even cooler ones. Let her wear your clothes. When she’s sad, hang out with her or stay on the phone and talk with her, even if she’s not saying anything. Be slow...but not too slow. Buy her ice cream. Make her feel loved. Kiss her in the rain and when you fall in love with her, tell her.

stolen from allikinns.. its sooooooooo cliche and gross i know but it reminds me of my baby ♥ ♥
what a superhero

rack_on @ 2005-02-14T14:32:00

2005-02-13T22:37:45Z

happy tomorrow valentines day.

i have a valentine! ♥

and shes super hottt! lol

rack_on @ 2005-02-02T15:50:00

2005-02-02T00:02:46Z

you told me i was perfect; and the feeling was mutual; and you made me smile until my face hurt; and you insist that im most beautiful with no makeup and unstraightened hair; and you wanted to propose to me with a wal-mart ring, but you could'nt find the perfect one; you told me we would get married and youd buy me three newfoundlands; you loved the way my nose turned red in the cold and when i cried; you brought me a package of juicy juice in the morning; you love mountain dew as much as i do; you told me i could trust you because you would never hurt me

boy, i feel a bit stupid.
i should have figured that nothing is that perfect.

but you are

rack_on @ 2005-01-31T17:45:00

2005-01-31T02:09:14Z

hes right about everything.
you are beauty, poetry, every lyric, worth living and dying for.
you are impossble to forget.

i bet i put on a good show.
i think i had you convinced i was happy without you.
now, i just need to convince myself.

'you know youll move on eventually.'
'never. never. never. never.
shes the one and i can never have her.'
'you will never work, mutual love isnt everything.
you and her are destined for failure.'
'failure can sometimes be beautful you know'
'youre wrong.'

rack_on @ 2005-01-31T14:37:00

2005-01-30T22:39:51Z

tsunami bomb- simple truth

Even though I'm always gone
Doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you all the time
And when life is getting rough
I imagine us sharing our whole lives.

We could run away
Leave behind anything bigger
Not knowing where we're going to stay
When there's no limits.

You're part of me, it's so easy to see the simple truth
When I'm in your arms, I feel safe from harm and sorrow too
You're part of me, it's so easy to see the simple truth
But most of all, nothing couldn't be solved when I'm with you

That memory of your smile
Pierces through the dark when I go to bed alone.
And when I'm about to fall apart
I remember your open arms
Waiting for me to come home.

Let's create our own world
Make it up to us, simple and honest
I'll sing a song you've never ever heard
No one else could be

You're part of me, it's so easy to see the simple truth
When I'm in your arms, I feel safe from harm and sorrow too
You're part of me, it's so easy to see the simple truth
But most of all, nothing couldn't be solved when I'm with you

But most of all, nothing couldn't be solved
When I'm with you

♥ i miss you ♥
8/27/04

rack_on @ 2005-01-29T17:14:00

2005-01-29T01:27:56Z

true, he makes me incredibly happy,
we work so well its sickening.

but nothing will compare to those summers
the ones we always hold in the back of our minds.
the unattainable standard we hold each other to.
i was happiest with you, always.
i was always safe.
and in the same sense,
simply looking into your eyes
hurts too much to bare.

i never meant to lead you on.
i meant every word,
but sensibility forces me not to act.
i just cant, love.

they arent empty.
they are just clouded wuth fear.

but...
hott date.
you, me..
sexxxxxxxxxx

rack_on @ 2005-01-26T21:13:00

2005-01-26T05:29:10Z

i need a self re-evaluation.
ive grown a lot lately, but i will still never understand you.
i feel so helpless right now.
everyones watching me, waiting for me to make a move.
and i dont even understand what my options are.

i had a talk with a boy that i have a lot of respect for.
i know you asked me not to discuss you with him.
but he has a tendency to be very right.
he told me you and i will never work,
something i could have figured on my own.
he explained to me that words and feelings are empty without actions.

i cant be with you
for a reason that this boy made very clear to me,
i can never offer you what you need.
i can never be what you want.

rack_on @ 2005-01-23T23:31:00

2005-01-23T07:32:21Z

yessssssssss
i think i just had this thing.
its called something like
THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!

i love him
i love him
i love him.

rack_on @ 2005-01-23T00:38:00

2005-01-22T08:44:30Z

baby boy, i grew up being lectured that perfection is unattainable.
i sound cliche.
but searching for imperfections in you
is like a quest or the fucking holy grail.

i want to be calm and reposed
kissable and quiet
i want to be your lyric
your poetry
the way i see you.

but you seem to love me none the less.

i guess im an acquired taste so to speak.

rack_on @ 2005-01-19T17:28:00

2005-01-19T01:35:04Z

i cant even bring myself to look you in the eyes.

out of fear, i suppose.
fear of taking risks
fear of you hurting me the way you can
fear of me hurting you the way you can hurt me
fear of being in love with you.

maybe i can pretend its not happening.
i made it all up. its not real.

pretending not to want you
doesnt mean have to stop dreaming about you, right?
because then what other reason will i have
to be excited to go to sleep?

♥
love, they dont come any more beautiful than you.

i wanted to kiss her.
so i said 'i like your hair'

rack_on @ 2005-01-18T14:01:00

2005-01-17T22:04:39Z

nothing has ever been more obvious to me
than the fact that we were never meant to be together.

destiny didnt plan us. so what?

im still in love with you.

even if it is from a far.
because in my mind youre always near.

love loses its passion like gum loses its flavor.
you were always the exception.